homebirth | Two Rivers Childbirth

Community Birth Story: Ivy

By Two Rivers Childbirth
August 3, 2014
Birth Stories Project

Ivy’s birth story
(Homebirth after a stillbirth)

After the late-term loss of our 2nd pregnancy last year, my dreams of any “normal” future pregnancy experience were shattered. I knew even if we got pregnant again, there would not be another baby shower nor blissfully ignorant jokes or conversations about what to expect.

When we found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time, indeed it was a different journey. There was more crying, fewer announcements, more gratitude, and fewer purchases made ahead-of-time. Honoring our stillborn daughter during this pregnancy was important to me. I discovered that the people who weren’t able to be with us through the heartache of a stillbirth were not the people I wanted to keep close in this new joy; I knew they wouldn’t be sensitive to the impossible mix of emotions I was experiencing. I was mourning one baby while (hopefully) preparing for another child – a child who would not have existed had our previous baby lived.

The well-intentioned yet hurtful comments we received about how we should be feeling caused us to prune many long-held relationships. “It’s time to move on. Focus on the positives.” “You’re just being cynical; this one is going to be fine.” It was devastating for my overly-sensitive heart. In our suffering, though, we also made new friends who knew grief, who understood the volatility of plans, and were not afraid to talk about this life in terms of what it is…unpredictable.

“No one really knows what is going to happen;
no one can predict the future.” – Ecclesiastes 10:14

My heart felt safe around a precious few women who weren’t afraid of my tears, and I was so relieved when three of them agreed to serve us for a planned homebirth.

My first two labors had each progressed quickly, so when I was full-term and had my first several, regular, painful contractions for an hour, our team decided to come over. They were all coming from a distance and a concern had been that if we didn’t call soon enough, we would have an unattended birth.

It hadn’t really occurred to me that the opposite could happen. Sure enough, by the time our team arrived in the wee hours past midnight, my contractions had become completely irregular. Our midwife made the assessment that it was time for everyone to get some rest while we still could. She and her assistant found empty beds upstairs.

Unfortunately, I was far too energized to sleep; I also felt pressure to keep trying to get labor to progress since our birth team came from so far away. Our doula stayed awake a bit longer with me and my husband downstairs. We ended up watching World Cup soccer re-runs until I finally conceded to sleep.

As the sun was rising, I woke up to a contraction that broke my water. My husband and our doula woke up, too, and we decided to go outside. The temperature was perfect and the first of the birds were singing their morning songs. I supposed an outside stroll might be leisurely while labor ramped up, but I immediately needed support for every contraction and I didn’t have much time between them.

We quickly came back inside when I had the immediate and unfortunate urge to evacuate everything from my body. The sound of my vomiting alerted the ladies upstairs that I was progressing. They came downstairs and checked the baby’s heart rate in between my urgent trips to the bathroom.

Someone suggested that I could just stay on the toilet for a while, facing backwards. That sounded great, so I conveniently picked the smallest bathroom in the house, the foyer half-bath. (It’s also directly under our toddler’s bedroom upstairs, but he amazingly slept through everything.) Our precious doula stood behind me and I held her hands with each all-consuming contraction as I closed my eyes and visualized the baby descending.

I was surprised when my body started to push only about 30 minutes into my toilet time. I made a panicked announcement to our midwife that I was pushing. She made the sweetest suggestion that I come off the toilet, but I couldn’t fathom how I would move.
Fortunately, after one more pushing contraction, I found a brief moment of motivation to flop off the toilet onto my hands and knees on the wooden floor in the foyer hall. The 3ft wide hallway wasn’t much of an improvement in location, but this would have to do because the head was delivered with the next contraction. In my mind, there was calm in the moment that followed as I patiently waited for the next contraction that would deliver the shoulders. I appreciated the fact that I had been sleeping just over an hour ago, and now I was having a baby.

Our midwife guided the baby onto the towels underneath me, but I couldn’t make myself look. Now, I was re-living the birth of our dead daughter’s body a year ago; I remembered her paleness, lack of muscle tone, and the silence of that delivery room.

For many minutes, I didn’t want to hold this baby — not even touch them or know the gender. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to push out the placenta. I didn’t want to do anything. So, I knelt there in the hallway with my head buried in my husband’s shoulder as sweet women reached around and under me to tend to my baby in a way that I could not. They felt like angels to me.

As I lingered, hovered over my child who I couldn’t touch, feeling like a failure as a mother, this babe reached out from under the towels and their fingers wrapped around my thumb. I sobbed while I soaked up God’s forgiveness and love in my sorrow and weakness. It was a healing, quiet, prayerful experience allowing this to be the birth that I dared to hope it would be.

My husband cut the cord and revealed the gender. Oh, how my heart broke as I simultaneously rejoiced to know I had another daughter. Ivy is the name we would choose. Tears flowed readily.
I still ache for heaven (and that’s a good thing), but I surely will be grateful for the days God gives me to hold our rainbow baby down here.

Certainly, she is something beautiful right now.

(The stillbirth story of Ivy’s big sister can be found here)

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Click HERE to learn more about the Community Birth Stories Project or to submit your own birth story.

Community Birth Story: Elowen Ada

By Two Rivers Childbirth
May 9, 2014
Birth Stories Project

The HBAHBC of Elowen Ada Goerner (aka Sea Dragon)

As told by Megan:

This story has to start with the hatching of our first daughter, Loki. As much as we wanted a homebirth for her (and us), it was not to be. She entered the world on March 30, 2011 via a cesarean after transferring to a hospital. She was trapped in the special care nursery for 7 days and then I had to return for an additional 5 days for IV antibiotics. It was a long healing process for all. So this experience played a rather large role when deciding future births.

Fast forward 3 years…

Sea Dragon’s labor started during our last Bradley class on Friday, April 4th. We had been lazily timing the contractions and they were about 5 minutes apart and 2 minutes long, but very easy to function through. I would punch Dan in the leg to let him know when another one started. We let our midwife, Nannette, and our doula/birth assistant, Grace, know what was happening. Dan was convinced this was going to be “the night”. He ran around like a crazy man trying to get last minute things done. Loki (our 3 year old) took a nice bath with me. We went to bed and the contractions stopped by 2 am. This ended up being a good thing since my due date/have the same midwife buddy was in labor at the same time and did end up having her daughter on April 5th.

Contractions would come and go over the next 9 days, sometimes at regular intervals for a few hours and sometimes randomly. They were always different feeling, though, than Braxton Hicks. We just kept trying to get ready and keep our birth team up to date with anything new. The full moon was coming on the 15th, and most people were guessing this baby would come then. I was going with 4-14-14, because that is a much cooler date.

Dan was getting ready for work on Monday, April 14th, around 6:30 am. I went in to pee. I immediately felt different. I let Dan go to work (he had been working from home quite a bit for the last week “just in case”). The “different feeling” was much lower and more intense than any other contractions I had had up to that point. By 8 am, they were 10 minutes apart. I updated Grace and Nannette. Nannette was in Frederick for a home visit and Grace was about to head there for an appointment for her daughter. Did I mention Dan works in Frederick?

I called Dan to let him know that we were at 10 minutes apart. We decided that he would come home at lunch if things advanced at all. 20 minutes later, the contractions were now 5 minutes apart. I called Dan to tell him to come home. No answer! I put the dogs outside (where they stayed all day) and opened all of the windows (it was an amazing day). Loki woke up at some point and we ate breakfast together in the recliner watching Jake and the Never Land Pirates.

I finally got Dan on the phone. He was walking to his building. He turned around, sent a quick and blunt email to his work that he would not be in that day, and started the hour trip back home.

I told Nannette and Grace what was happening and Nannette decided she would come to our house from her home visit. Grace decided that her appointment would need to be cancelled when I couldn’t decide if it was really time or not (did I need to poop or birth a baby?). I texted my friend, Kim, to let her know that today was probably the day. (Kim was the amazing friend who was at the last few/many hours of our attempted homebirth of Loki. She drove us to the hospital in the middle of the night in her 2-door car. She may have been a bit traumatized after the last time. She didn’t make in time for this birth, but I think this experience did help heal her after Loki’s birth.) I also texted my friend, Roshontia (who would be Loki’s person during labor), that today could be the day. I attempted to write a message to the amazing women from my Mother Blessing that is was candle lighting time, but I didn’t quite get that far.

Dan got home around 9 am. He knew as soon as he saw me that this time was different. He went to work getting all the last minute things done (like cleaning up after our horrible cats, getting the birth kit out, the table for the birth supplies, and things like that). I got my birth alter ready in the corner of the living room and also sat on the giant ball. I took a hot shower while Dan was running around. It felt awesome. It was nice to feel clean, too.

Grace arrived around 11. I was on the ball and my eyes started tearing as soon as I saw her. I was so relieved that it wasn’t just Dan, Loki, and me anymore. Someone who knew what they were doing!!!!!! Grace was a woman of action! She saw what had been done and what needed to be done. She got the birth supplies out of the bin and organized, got the pool ready in the living room, the bed ready, and I don’t even know what else. Oh, and most important of all- she was being there for me!

Around 11:30, Nannette arrived. Grace had been making sure that I tried to go with the contractions, dropping my jaw and vocalizing. The pool started being filled with water. Nannette suggested a check in baby position and to pee on the way to the bed. I had a slightly bloody wipe after peeing (bye-bye mucus plug). I got on the bed and Nannette asked if she could do a check, and I said whatever she wanted (I knew that after Loki’s labor all of us were wondering how this labor would go). The baby’s position was perfect and I was at 9 cm! (Loki was not in a great position and got stuck during her labor.)

We went back out the living room and got into the pool. It was still a little cool, but I think it helped to slow down labor just a tad for me to catch my breath. Loki got in the pool with me (what a shock that the water loving kid got in the pool!). We realized that we really needed someone for Loki at this point. She would tell me to be quiet and would touch my legs (which I did not want). We tried calling Roshontia again, but there was no answer (found out later that her phone was charging at her desk which she was away from). We (I mean Dan, Grace, and Nannette) started calling people that might be able to come over and that Loki would feel at least a little comfortable with. An amazing mom that we all know with 2 boys of her own that lives 15 minutes away whose husband just happened to be home that day was able to come over. Thank you so much Justine!!!

We moved into the bedroom at some point (maybe around 12:30). Nannette and Grace took turns checking on Loki who was still in her fishy pool watching Jake and the pirates. I was leaning over the end of the bed. I know that my hips were getting squeezed during contractions and that I had totally been pushing (at least a little) during parts of the contractions. It felt better so it seemed like the thing to do. My water broke during this phase. I got Dan’s shoes wet this time instead of Nannette’s (Loki’s labor) and the fluid was clear (unlike with Loki)!!! I laid down on my side on the end of the bed for the next bit of time. Doing what I felt my body was telling me to do. I tried to do the horse lips thing but I just couldn’t. (At some point Justine arrived and I had my team of 3 plus me in our bedroom for the rest of labor.)

The next move was to the birth stool. The birth stool rocked. Dan had installed a shower safety bar in the living room for squatting (I squatted a lot during Loki’s labor and did not want to rely on Dan’s hands, especially when those hands could be doing something else), but it never got used. Nannette pushed our bed as far over as it could go so we would have more room (still ended up being only a 4 foot by 4 foot area in the corner of our room).

I have no idea how long I was on the birth stool. The contractions kept coming and I kept pushing. My voice was gone at this point. I wanted my eyes closed. I wanted to keep pressing/digging my nails into Dan’s arms. I did not want anyone to talk, especially Dan (no desire to hear how great I was doing). I was in my birthing zone. I remember Nannette asking if I wanted to see my baby’s head (No, because I wanted my eyes closed. I would have loved to but it just was not happening at that moment). Nannette asked if I wanted to touch my baby’s head (No, because I would have to let go of Dan). Dan says that I was much funnier with my responses. I will just have to take his word. I did eventually reach down to touch the head. So amazing! (I would have loved to touch the head more and actually see what was happening, but I also know that at the given moment in time it was not possible.) At 1:47, the head was out (the ring of fire that I had heard about was not what I felt, just intense pressure). At 1:48, the body flopped/was guided by Nannette to the chuck pads on the ground under me.

OH MY GOSH!!! I did it! WE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I reached down to touch our second child. I told Dan that we had another daughter (maybe they saw first but everyone let me find out on my own). I was so beyond amazed. Nannette helped me pick her up and put her on my chest while I was still on the stool. I was holding my slippery little bloody baby that was still attached to me. I was helped to the bed and laid down. Daughter #2 wanted her nipple and made sure that we all knew it. She stayed there, awake, for at least 2 hours.

There was a bit of blood and I was told that I had torn when Sea Dragon made her entrance. My placenta came out at 2:05. It was clamped and Dan cut it. Nannette did a neat little placenta tour for us. Nannette then went to work putting 5 stitches in to fix my speed flap.

Dan and I had not decided on a girl name at this point (we knew the middle name, look up Ada Lovelace). He didn’t like any on my list and hadn’t suggested many alternatives. I had two names I really liked and I asked him when we both super emotional how Elowen Ada sounded. He said he loved it. Post birth baby bliss is a great time to get a name you want.

Elowen measured in at 9 pounds 6 ounces, 23 inches long, and had a 14 inch head. Take that Dr. You Can’t Birth Babies Through Your Vagina!!! (The surgeon that performed my cesarean three years earlier gave the reason for needing it being that the baby didn’t fit through the birth canal; Loki was 8 pounds 3 ounces.)

My mom was the first person I made Dan call. She was in upstate New York, watching my sister’s two daughters (yeah, super timing). She had been calling three times a day to check in. She did call that morning and I told her that it was more of the same (I didn’t know it was really the day yet). She was so shocked when Dan told her she had another granddaughter!

Elowen’s birth was so different from Loki’s birth. It came on strong and fast. There was no time to prepare, no build up. It was a little overwhelming at times, but I never felt like I couldn’t do it, especially knowing that Nannette and Grace were there. It was such an empowering and healing experience. I can’t even say how much it means to me to have been able to have those two amazing women at both of my labors and almost both of my births. I am more grateful than I can say (to Nannette, to Grace, to Dan, to Justine, and to my own body & mind).

(Read Elowen’s big sister’s birth story here)

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Click HERE to learn more about the Community Birth Stories Project or to submit your own birth story.

Community Birth Story: Ada Violet

By Two Rivers Childbirth
May 2, 2014
Birth Stories Project

Ada’s Birth Story

My lovely daughter Ada Violet was born on November 15, 2013. She came six days later than her due date, which was fine by me as I had final exams the weekend of her due date and was praying that she’d hold on a little longer! My husband and I had decided before she was even conceived that we would like to have a home birth if possible, so that was the plan. We couldn’t have been happier with the whole process. I’ve never liked going to the doctor, and here was an entire pregnancy where I wouldn’t have to see one doctor or go anywhere further than my living room for prenatal care!

My labor started slowly and gradually. Over the last few weeks I could feel my body preparing for the big event, and a few days before the birth I started having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, some quite lengthy and uncomfortable. The evening before Ada was born, I could tell there was a change, as the contractions started to become more painful and deliberate. I went to sleep as usual but woke up around midnight to contractions that I couldn’t sleep through. I figured this was probably the early stages of labor, but knew that it might last a while, even days, so I tried my best to rest. I managed to sleep a little between contractions, but by 5 am or so it wasn’t really working anymore. I got up and went downstairs. I didn’t want to wake my husband up because I knew he had work to do that day and also knew that I could manage things by myself at that time but might really need his support later on and wanted him to be well-rested just in case!

I emailed my mother-in-law and texted my mom to let them know I thought labor had started. My mom was planning on being with us for the birth and she and my stepdad were in the car on their way down from Connecticut within what seemed like a few minutes! I just hoped they weren’t going to arrive several days early…

At that point the contractions were still manageable. They weren’t very far apart (every 2 minutes or so), but they would only last 10-20 seconds (where I really had to stop everything and focus). I decided to try to keep myself busy while I could so I made some muffins for breakfast. Fortunately, I managed to eat a couple muffins that morning, as that was the last time I was able to eat until many hours later.

I texted my midwife to give her an update. I told her not to come yet as I was still OK. By mid-morning the contractions were more intense and I was having a hard time doing anything else but focusing on getting through them and resting during the breaks. I went up to the bed and tried to rest while doing my best to time the contractions with the clock (and having a really hard time – later on I learned that they have apps for that!). I was a bit stressed out because my husband had a work deadline that morning and we still hadn’t set up the birth pool yet, and by then I couldn’t do it by myself. Fortunately, he managed to finish his work and set it up before I needed it, but of course you never know what is going to happen until it happens!

By early afternoon I was really focused on getting through the contractions and everything else became a bit fuzzy. My midwife arrived and checked on me, then retreated to a chair and quietly let me labor on my own, which was really nice for me (I think being constantly checked on would have stressed me out and that’s one of the main reasons why I wanted a homebirth). My husband was with me quite a bit in the afternoon, helping me, holding my hand, playing peaceful music on the piano and generally taking care things. I labored in the tub for a while but got out after an hour or so because the contractions were getting really intense with not much space in between and I was started to get tired. At some point my mom and stepdad arrived. I couldn’t greet them properly. It was hurting so bad. I was so happy my mom could be there though. Sometimes you just want your mom, and this was one of those times. She was so great, doing whatever she could to help and putting my mind at ease.

The midwife’s assistant and partner also came at some point, although I have to admit it was all a bit blurry by then. I remember my midwife asking me now and again if I wanted her to check me internally, but I kept refusing. The contractions hurt a lot, but I never felt like I was “making progress” or “opening up” or whatever other terminology they use. I was so afraid I was barely dilated and didn’t want to get hung up on the numbers. At some point she suggested that I drink a small glass of wine and go lie down on the bed to try to rest a bit. I couldn’t accept the wine – I could barely even drink water, I was so nauseated. I did go upstairs to lie down though, and my husband came with me. I was getting so very tired…

The contractions were a bit further apart for a while, so I would start to drift off, only to be brutally awoken by the most intense back pain I’ve ever felt. After a while, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went back downstairs and tried various positions while people took turns pressing on my back during contractions. During the pauses, I sometimes heard the birth team talking quietly together and was afraid they were saying things weren’t going well and that I’d have to go to the hospital. I started getting scared, as our insurance wouldn’t cover the birth and I was starting to think there was no other way but hospitalization, which would leave me traumatized and indebted for life (of course, I’m exaggerating, but this is how I felt!). At the same time, I’m pretty sure at that point that if drugs had been offered, I would have seized the opportunity, despite all prior decisions and thoughts on the matter. I just didn’t know how I was going to go on like this.

I remember seeing the sun set and thinking to myself, “there goes the day.” One whole day gone and I hadn’t even been outside or done anything! At one point I went to the bathroom and I felt some pressure, a new sensation. I decided that my midwife should probably check me. They helped me upstairs to the bed. I’m so glad she only checked me once because it was terribly uncomfortable. She announced “I don’t feel any cervix at all.” “Oh no,” I thought. “I haven’t even started dilating yet and my cervix is so high she can’t even feel it!!” Of course, that’s not at all what she meant. She actually meant that I was fully dilated and could start pushing the baby out. Yay! I wasn’t sure if I had it in me, but at the same time I was so very ready for it to be over.

They helped me into the tub. I tried pushing during contractions but didn’t really know what I was doing. My midwife coached me a bit and at some point I let go of whatever was holding me back and understood what to do. Soon thereafter, my body completely took over and pushed all by itself. It was incredible. I knew I was using the very last of my strength, but I was so close, I just kept going. I pushed until the midwife said she could feel the baby’s head. She told me to feel it too. Then I pushed so hard that I could feel the burning and the sudden relief as the baby’s head came through. Once I knew the head was through my motivation skyrocketed. I didn’t like the thought of the baby’s head in the water for very long (even though I knew there was no risk). With the next push the body popped out and floated up through a cloud of blood and then there she was, my darling baby girl, as beautiful and bright-eyed as could be. I was in shock. It took me several minutes to process what had just happened. After working so hard for so many hours (months really, as the pregnancy wasn’t exactly a cup of tea!), it was all over.

My entourage helped me and Ada out of the pool and onto the couch, where she breastfed for the first time and I held her for half an hour or so until the cord stopped pulsing. I was really uncomfortable because my uterus was cramping and contracting. I went to the bathroom to deliver the placenta over the toilet. I was so surprised when my midwife said I had to push again. I thought I was done! But no, here we go again, and out came the huge placenta and what seemed like gallons of blood (of course it wasn’t really).

After the birth, it took my body a couple of weeks to recover (something I wasn’t expecting), and it took me a couple of months to get used to breastfeeding and living on very little sleep. However, in that time I went from being stunned over the birth of my daughter to totally head-over-heels in love with this little baby girl. Now I can’t imagine my life without her and of course it was all completely worth it. I never knew how much love my heart could contain until Miss Ada was born. I love her to pieces and love being a mom!

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Click HERE to learn more about the Community Birth Stories Project or to submit your own birth story.